Flintstones Bedrock T-Shirt

From the Episode Wilma’s Vanishing Money:

BURGLAR:  Uh. Gentlemen…. Now if you’ll stop right there.  Hold up your hands, please.

FRED:  Barney…

BARNEY:  Yes, Fred?

FRED:  It’s a stick up.

BARNEY:  (getting an idea) Hey, uh, wait a minute.  This guy’s a burglar…

FRED:  Barney, this ain’t What’s My Line.

From the Episode Fussin’ and Feudin’:

WILMA:  Fred’s in there, napping.  Trying to relax away the tensions.  Today’s the playoff for the Lodge Golf Semi-finals, or something, in Fred’s division.

BETTY:  Oh.  How’s Fred doing? Is he improving?

WILMA:  Last month he broke 70.

BETTY:  Strokes?

WILMA:  Clubs.  You know Fred’s temper, Betty.

Also from the Episode Fussin’ and Feudin’:

FRED:  (Dreaming that he won the golf match) My opponent for this match, Charlie Pummlestone, put up a good fight, and was ahead for a while.  But as the hula dancer said, It’s how you wind up that counts.  He he he he he.”

Also from the Episode Fussin’ and Feudin’:

BARNEY:  I got feelings. I’m a people.

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When Rick asks Lucy why her bank account is alwyas overdrawn in the episode “Job Switching,” Lucy has the perfect answer. One that, to me, seems perfectly reasonable.

Lucy: “You don’t give me enough money?”

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Jed and Jethro are talking about a “fast” girl Jethro knew back in the hills:

Jethro:  Uncle Jed, she handed me a big old sugar cookie, looked at me and said, “Jehtro, if you had a choice between that cookie and me, which one would you take“.  Uncle Jed, that’s when I found out just how fast she was!

(Jed leans in close to hear the rest of the sordid story.)

Jethro: I had to run nearly a mile to get away from her with that cookie!

Jed Clampett: (shaking his head) Jethro, some day me and you got to have a long talk.

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Ricky: (To Lucy) I know you like a book. You must have an interior motive.

Ricky: (seeing pancakes on his plate) Hey! Tortillas!
Lucy: (sarcastically) Yeah. I made them out of Aunt Jemima Tortilla Mix.
Ricky: Oh, I keep forgetting here in America you call them Flap Cakes.
Lucy: Come again?
Ricky: Hot Jacks?
Lucy: You were closer with tortillas. They are Hot Cakes.
Ricky: Oh!
(takes a bite) Ricky Ricardo: No, these are Cold Cakes.

Ricky:  What have you got? 
Lucy: Where:
Ricky: In back of you there.

Ricky: Something’s wrong with the electricity. My shaver isn’t working.

Ricky: I’m just going to let her stew in her own goose for awhile.

Ricky: How do spell s’perience?
Lucy: E-x-p
Ricky: E-x? You’re kidding.

Desi Arnaz was and is, without a doubt, one of the most underrated comics ever. I watch, on average, two I Love Lucy’s a day (Thank you, TVLand!) and I am floored by his comedic talents each and every episode. We all know Lucille Ball was probably the greatest star to ever live – but Desi was nothing short of remarkable. His timing and the way he delivered his lines was on par with anyone. Ever.

The shadow Lucy cast was just SO powerful. Unfortuantely for Desi, Vivian Vance, and William Frawley, limelight cannot be stolen from Lucille Ball.

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I made the mistake of watching an episode of Sanford and Son on TVLand one day last week while eating. Laughing nearly caused me to choke twice.  As a safety measure, I put the bag of Cheetos back in the kitchen.

The following exchange was the final straw:

Lamont:  Pop, you gotta stop going out everynight.

Fred:  I can’t stop, son.  You know Donna.  I mean, she’s young and attractive and when she wants to go out, I have to go or she’ll give me up for a younger man.

Lamont:  Now, that doesn’t sound like Donna.

Fred:  I know it doesn’t sound like Donna.  I don’t do imitations.

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Okay, beautiful readers, let me give it to you straight.  There’s absolutely no reason to put your television on any channel but TV Land today.  Starting at 9:00 (be sure to check your own local listings), their going to obliterate the competition.  Being the I Love Lucy addict that I am, I’m getting weak in the knees.  Get this:  Lucy will take over the channel for 7 hours – putting me in 7th Heaven!

When the Lucy Laughs end, TV Land will reshow the AMAZING premiere of their new reality show, She’s Got the Look.  If you didn’t catch it the first time around, you’ll most definitely want to see it this time.  It’s so well done, with a lot of style.

After episode 1 of “She’s Got the Look,” you’re in for more laughs with two back to back Beverly Hillbillies followed by some of the funniest Andy Griffith’s ever.

At 6:00, they’ll air “Hot Rod Ottis,” the one where Otis buys a car and puts the fear of God into Andy and Barney – who then put the same fear back into Otis!  The next Andy Griffith is just as hilarious – the title is “The Song Festers” – it’s the one where Barney thinks he’s a killer singer but Gomer comes  along and outshines him. 

At 7:00, Aunt Bee buys too much beef for the ailing freezer to handle, leading to headaches for Andy and laughs for the rest of us.  “Aunt Bee, call the man!“  At 7:30 is another of my favorites – “Divorce, Mountain Style!”  Any episodes featuring both Barney and the Darlings is one I don’t even blink during.  In this episode, Charlene wants to divorce Dud Wash and marry Andy.  Fortunately, Andy has Barney to help.  Except for one thing – he isn’t any!

After Andy and Barney finish up, there’s an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition followed by… wait for it, wait for it… Episode 2 of She’s Got the Look.  According to the promo, it looks like someone has a big meltdown.   TV Land caps it off (post-meltdown!) with about 4 episodes of MASH.

I’ve already got TV Land on and going here in my home office.  Lucy and Ethel are trying to find a way to get in on the trip to Europe.  Ehtel cracked me up – when it looks like she’ll be the only one who doesn’t get to go, she was extremely down trodden and says, “I don’t want to see Europe anyway.  It’s so old.”

This is going to be a great day!

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I thought it’d be fun to do more TV Flashbacks on the blog, so I’ve chosen Friday’s to be the designated Flashback day. There were lots of great shows to choose from to launch Flashback Friday, and I’ve chosen one that never ceases to make me laugh: Roseanne.

I watched the series when it first aired and now I’m reliving the fun with my youngest daughter as we watch them in reruns. There are a lot of crazy weird things on tv right now – reality shows that are a little too real – it seems that sleaze, slime, and trash are waiting on nearly every channel.

I think that’s why classic comedies are more popular now than ever, people always have and always will enjoy a good laugh.

There’s no better way to escape than with laughter! The quote collection, below, will grow and grow – so check back every now and again as there may be a whole new set of bwa ha ha’s waiting for you.

Memorable Lines From Roseanne:

Dan: What happened to Jimmy? I liked Jimmy.
Darlene: So did Becky, until he dumped her.
Becky: He didn’t dump me!
Darlene: Get real, you hit the ground like a safe.

Becky: No one could eat this crud.
Dan: Hey, if you don’t finish your crud, you’re not gonna get any crap for dessert.

Dan: (In jail) I don’t have time for this.
Darlene: Oh, I think you do.

Roseanne: (after all the kids have left for school) Quick, they’re gone. Change the locks

Darlene: (to Roseanne) You told me David and Becky were going to be here. I didn’t realize I would be spending the afternoon with Drunken Hines.

Darlene: (when Sean tries to put his arm around her) Any part of you that touches me, you’re not getting back.
Roseanne: What have I told you about killing your brother in the living room?

Becky: All I have to do is count to ten.
Darlene: Don’t wear mittens. It’ll slow you down.

Roseanne: This is why some animals eat their young.

Dan: Okay, we have thirty minutes to make this house clean.
Darlene: Rub a Lamp.

Dan: Ah man, we’re screwed.
Roseanne: No Dan. We are so far beyond screwed that the light from screwed will take 1 billion years to reach the earth.

Roseanne: That is not funny! You’re grounded until menopause!
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father’s!

D.J.: Was I an accident?
Roseanne: No, D.J., you were a surprise.
D.J.: Oh. What’s the difference?
Roseanne: Well, an accident is something that you wouldn’t do over again if you had the chance. A surprise is something you didn’t even know you wanted until you got it.
D.J.: Oh. Was Darlene an accident?
Dan: No, Darlene was a disaster.

Dan: You’re acting like a crazed psychopath.
Roseanne: The voices in my head disagree.

Jackie: (after meeting the snobby new neighbor, Kathy Bowman) Maybe she was a little uptight.
Roseanne: A LITTLE uptight? Hey, man you couldn’t drag a needle out of her butt with a tractor.

Darlene: Oh, man. I feel like I’m the middle of a really bad after-school special.

Dan: Hey Roseanne. I just saw all the animals in the neighborhood running in circles, so I guess that means your mother will be arriving soon.
Roseanne: Hold the knife steady Dan. I keep missing my wrist.

Dan: (Dan is upset because Darlene is late coming home from a rock concert) I’m gonna go stand in the middle of the street so the first thing she sees when she pulls up is my head exploding.

Saleslady at a Perfume Counter: Do you know what the fastest way to a man’s heart is?
Roseanne: Yeah… through his chest.

Roseanne: Face it, Jackie, our family was screwed up. Which is probably why I got fat and you kept jumping from guy to guy.
Jackie: Yeah.
* long pause *
Jackie: Or maybe I just never found the right guy and you just never found the wrong doughnut.

Roseanne: What’s up? I smell fear. I love that smell, but what’s up?

Dan: Have you considered getting a gun for the diner?
Roseanne: Oh, there’s a great idea. A loaded gun in the same room as my mother and my sister. What if they miss each other and kill a customer?
Dan: Then they’ll have to reload.

Roseanne: You two are gonna be loving sisters like me and Jackie!
Darlene: Okay.
Darlene: (to Becky) I’ll sleep with every guy in town and you gain 400 pounds.

Roseanne: I can’t believe that I wasted 25 years hating you for something as stupid as a wedding, when there’s a real good reason to hate you. You’re a bitch.
Ronnie: I’m a bitch? Hah. I bow to the queen of all bitches.

Mark: (on why he didn’t hurry to get to the Connor’s house) I didn’t think there was a dinner time here. I thought it was just grazin’ 24 hours a day.

Roseanne: (to DJ) Son, I’m going to punish you so hard that they’ll throw a benefit concert for you.

Darlene: You guys think we don’t get your corny little sex jokes.
Roseanne: You kids ARE our corny little sex jokes.

Phyllis Zimmer: (discussing their affair in high school) Did Roseanne ever find out about us?
Dan: Yes.
Dan: (pointing to his teeth) False, false, crown, bridge.

Darlene: (Darlene and Becky try to get a later curfew) Mom, have I told you how nice you’re looking?
Roseanne: Thank you. Ten o’clock.
Becky: (to Darlene as they leave) Not nice, thin! Thin!

(Becky has carved a head out of meat at the diner.)
Becky: Guess who this is? “Darlene! Becky! My back’s itchy right in the cen-ter!”
Darlene: God, it’s mom. It’s mom tar-tar.
Becky: How long you think it would take to cook mom’s head?
Darlene: Two and a half hours at 350. I’ve thought about it a lot.

Roseanne Show Did You Knows?

Corn is mentioned or shown in every episode.

All three of Roseanne’s husbands (Bill Pentland, Tom Arnold, and Ben Thomas) made at least one guest appearance on the show.

Laurie Metcalf (Jackie) is one of Chicago’s most famous stage actresses.

Laurie Metcalf has appeared on Frasier, Malcom in the Middle, Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and Without a Trace.

John Goodman (Dan) is a huge fan of the St. Louis Cardinals – I always did like him!

Sara Gilbert (who brilliantly played Darlene) is, of course, the little sister of Melissa Gilbert (Laura Ingalls Wilder). Sarah was on the show for nine years and was given time off to attend Yale University. She graduated with honors in 1997.

Click the link below for a great video on YouTube – scenes from an episode titled “Becky’s Choice.” Funny stuff! (I would post the videos here on the blog but the Roseanne videos don’t allow you to do so. Boo and Hiss.)  http://youtube.com/watch?v=awdRBmRPyIs

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